Okay, I think I need to come clean with something. I’ve already established that I like to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations, but unbelievably (yes, I know it’s hard to imagine) I have another flaw.
I get jealous.
It is not something I am proud of or condone. It is something I fight against regularly (the first step is to admit it, right?). And some might say it makes me human (even though I like to think I’m superhuman sometimes), but I do get that twinge of jealousy sometimes.
In a perfect world, I would embrace everyone else’s experiences and situations and opportunities without secretly wishing it was me, or hoping for a chance to live that life. We all know that the “grass is always greener,” but I wish that I was progressed enough not to have that feeling.
I have a wonderful life, so there really is no reason to wish for anything else, but I do understand why it’s called the “green-eyed monster.” Over the years, I have learned how to tame this monster and move on (for the most part).
Don’t get me wrong, I really am happy for other people’s successes, especially my friends and family. I root for upward mobility, job promotions, happiness, health, fun vacations, new homes, fun toys, etc. These are not my green monster triggers.
What really gets me going is TIME.
If you do not have to rush to be ready every morning for something, I am jealous. If you can take your child to the zoo, or the library, or gymnastics on any given Tuesday, I am jealous. If you can hang at the pool in the summer every day of the week, I am jealous. If you do not have to watch the clock, I am jealous. If you do not have children and you have time to sleep in on Sundays, I am jealous. If you can make a regular nail appointment and actually keep it, I am jealous. If you can sit through a dinner without being interrupted, I am jealous. If you have time to keep up with your laundry and make a home cooked meal every night, I am jealous.
So, basically, I have a problem.
I love being a mother and I love the freedom running my own business affords me. Our family has a nice home, goes on vacations every year, and we really do not want for much. But, the one thing I can never seem to get enough of is time.
Time to reflect. Time to just be. Time for me.
Maybe that is why I love writing my blog. It is my space and my time – even if I have to sacrifice some sleep and give up television (anyone know what is happening on American Idol or Dancing with the stars this season?). It is worth it.
Now, if only I can figure out a time to exercise. Perhaps then I will let go of this whole jealousy thing. Of course, then I would probably wish for time to shop for a new wardrobe.
Are you jealous? What is your green monster trigger? Please leave a comment or start a conversation on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TinyStepsMommy.
