Tag Archives: child care

The Secret to Talking With Children Revealed

One of my favorite parts of working with and caring for other people’s children is in the honesty of my conversations with the kids. I have written about the importance of talking to and listening to your children before. In fact, my post “Listen to Your Child, You May Be Amazed,” remains one of my most read over time. It is not my best post and really is just a lead-in to a post I wrote for another site, yet more people find that post and my blog through some variation on the search term “talking to your children,” than anything else.

My question is why? Are people fascinated by what children have to say? Or are people really at a loss as to how to talk to children?

I find that children even as young as two have meaningful ideas, thoughts and contributions to discussions. Almost everyday I have the children in my daycare sit in a circle to simply discuss a topic or just catch-up on what is happening at home. There are times I get blank stares, but usually these children want to relate and contribute to the discussions Even the quiet observers who would never raise their hands or shout out, have really cute and sometimes profound things to say if given the opportunity.

So, how do I get them talking? By actually talking to them first. Yes, this is the secret. If you want your children to talk to you, you have to talk to them everyday. And not just to tell them to put on their shoes or clean-up their toys. I know that when you are busy parenting this is really hard to remember.

But, if you start talking WITH your children and NOT AT your children from a young age, you will get more out of them when they get older. Just keep these tips in mind:

  • Do not bombard your children with questions the moment they get home from school or daycare. Allow them to transition. Just like adults, they need to decompress (or tantrum it out a bit) first.
  • Ask specific open-ended questions that go beyond , “How was your day?”
  • Start conversations by sharing about you and your day. Focus on something small and make it engaging. Then ask related questions. Here is an example: Parent – “Today, I had the best lunch. I ate a turkey sandwich and an apple that was so juicy. What was your favorite part of your lunch?”
  • Don’t push or get frustrated if your children don’t feel like talking. They will when they are ready.
  • If your child starts a conversation with you, then stop what you are doing and look him or her in the eye. Ask follow-up questions and seem interested. Even if it is about the same crazy non-nonsensical dream you have heard about three days in a row.

Do you have trouble talking with your child? What is the cutest thing your child has ever said to you? Please leave a comment, sign-up to receive my blog posts via e-mail, or join the discussion on the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.

Choose to Remember Amazing over Absurd

A three-year-old dangles off the backyard fort screaming. A 17-month-old with a newfound fetish for biting claims a victim – another toddler who hasn’t figured out that intentionally placing her fingers in the mouth of my biter is a bad idea. An infant refuses to be put down and is screaming loudly. This is how my day ended today. Chaos. Tears. Adrenaline.

Yes, this is my life at times. No, I’m not a masochist. I’m just one of those people who long ago learned that life is messy, sometimes stressful, and loud. Very loud.

I would complain, but I don’t think I can. You see, I can’t count this as a bad day. What may seem overwhelming and unthinkable to some people is just another ordinary day for me.

Does this mean I didn’t dash to catch the dangling three-year-old with a fast-beating heart? No. Does this mean I was less mortified and saddened by the biting incident (especially since it was my daughter doing the biting)? Not at all. I am not desensitized. I have just accepted and embraced my world.

I have also learned to put everything into perspective.

There are good and bad moments within every day (and not just for child care providers). If I were to look at one snapshot of the chaos and declare today to be a bad day, then frankly every day would be terrible. Instead, I choose to pay attention to the amazing moments.

A quote by Maurice Setter

For instance, earlier in the day I was surrounded by six children ranging in age from two- to four-years-old who were fascinated by the images and videos I shared on my tablet of streams, rivers, lakes, and oceans. We talked at length about the beauty of the water and land on our earth. They were engaged and asking great questions. Then we sat around the table and created awesome pictures of trees, a stream, and rocks.

No one cried. No one took a bite out of another child. Everyone smiled. Including me.

How do you think I choose to remember today? By the final few minutes of insanity or the hour-long educational experience I shared with my preschoolers? For me, it is simple. Once the last child leaves I brush the day off and I CHOOSE to remember the amazing moments. I shake my head and laugh about the absurdity at the end.

It is always a choice. Sometimes people forget this fact. Maybe this is what differentiates us all.

How do you choose to remember today? How about yesterday or last week? How about last month or all of last year? How do you want to remember your lifetime?

Please leave me a comment or join the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page to continue the discussion.

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Photo Credit: Choose Joy Citizen Girl

A Pledge to Prevent Heat Stroke Tragedy: Will You Take It?

http://www.safercar.gov/parents/heatstroke.htmTwenty-three children died and many more were injured this summer after being left unattended in a hot car, according to the National Highway Safety Administration (NTSA). Sometimes these heat stroke deaths and injuries occur when a child gets into an unlocked vehicle to play unbeknownst to the parent. Other times (54% according to KidsandCars.org) a parent or caregiver who is not used to transporting a child as part of their daily routine inadvertently forgets a sleeping child in the back of the vehicle. It is every parent’s worst nightmare come true.

Whenever I hear about a story like this I shudder out of horror, but I also shudder because on some level I understand how it is possible. We have all driven on autopilot before. We have all been overly occupied with an impending meeting. When my first son was only an infant, his father and I switched off the drop-offs to daycare. One morning I was thinking about a presentation while driving to work. I got halfway there when I realized I forgot to drop the baby off at daycare. He was asleep in his car seat and I wasn’t focusing. I immediately turned around and cried out of frustration the whole way to drop him off. It was a momentary lapse and no one was hurt, but this moment of stupidity still haunts me. I think about it every time I learn about a story of a child death in a car. I like to think that I would have noticed. I would not have just run out of the car. I would not have gone through my entire day without remembering. But, how many of those 23 children’s parents thought the same thing?

In an effort to address these preventable tragedies, The U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) issued a joint letter last week to mobilize the network of Head Start and child care providers nationwide.

According to the letter, Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood and Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Kathleen Sebelius called on the nation’s Head Start directors and child care providers to take advantage of the “Look Before You Lock” campaign materials by sharing them with staff, families, and other community members.

“Safety is our top priority for everyone on our roadways, but we have a special responsibility to protect our most vulnerable passengers,” said Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. “While parents and caregivers are the first line of defense, everyone has a role to play in preventing these needless tragedies.”

The campaign includes safety education and training for parents and caregivers, as well a cooperative pledge. The pledge asks families and providers to work together to inform each other if a child is expected to arrive at home or at daycare and does not.

As a parent, I see how this makes complete sense. But, as a child care provider speaking candidly, I am skeptical. I like to think that this simple pledge will make a difference, but I fear this will not be enough.

I have repeatedly made it known that I want parents to call or e-mail or even text me if their child is ill, has an appointment, or is simply staying home for the day. Many of my clients are great about letting me know their plans. Others, however, never inform me. Sometimes I call to check-up out of worry, but other times I am so consumed with what I am doing that I may not have the time to call or e-mail until naptime. And when I do call some parents seem annoyed by my checking-up on them and their child (not always the best incentive for calling).

But, perhaps with this pledge the result will be different. Perhaps when parents and providers both sign this document committing to call, everyone will do their part. Parents won’t think I am being intrusive for calling and they will understand that calling is a safety issue not an issue of courtesy.

I can’t help wondering though, if I sign this pledge will I be blamed in the event of a tragedy for not calling a parent to ask why his or her child did not make it to daycare as expected? Will I share the guilt for such a preventable tragedy? It is enough to keep me up at nights. But, maybe this is the motivation needed to ensure that everyone does their part. Maybe this fear and awareness is the key to saving lives. Maybe it’s time that more people step-up and make some effort to prevent these tragedies. What do you think? Will this pledge make a difference?

Here are some tips from the NHTSA and its safety partners to prevent heatstroke incidents:

• Never leave a child unattended in a vehicle – even if the windows are partially open or the engine is running and the air conditioning is on;

• Make a habit of looking in the vehicle – front and back – before locking the door and walking away;

• For caregivers transporting children by van or bus, check every seat to make sure no child is still in the vehicle before locking and leaving the vehicle;

• Ask the Head Start or child care provider to call if the child does not show up for care as expected;

• Do things that serve as a reminder a child is in the vehicle, such as placing a cell phone, purse or briefcase in the back seat to ensure no child is accidentally left in the vehicle, writing a note or using a stuffed animal placed in the driver’s view to indicate a child is in the car seat; and,

• Teach children a vehicle is not a play area and store keys out of a child’s reach.

To learn more about NHTSA’s “Where’s baby? Look before you lock.” campaign, visit www.SaferCar.gov/heatstroke.

Download the Pledge

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