Tag Archives: parenting

Tiny Steps Mommy Tale: Giving Birth to the Same Kid Twice

Guest Post

Editor’s Note: I absolutely love this Tiny Steps Mommy Tale. My oldest is about to head into highschool and I dread the moment he will become an adult and leave the nest. I often fear what it will be like to parent an adult child and Nisi does a wonderful job illustrating these emotions. If you can relate or offer words of wisdom, please leave a comment. If you have a tale to tell, please send your story to nicoledash@gmail.com.
 

Giving Birth to the Same Kid Twice
 

By Nisi Bennett

I have five kids, I am a mom of five, I have five children….I love being able to say that. Of all of the things I have done in my life, I am most proud of this title. When my oldest son tuned 18, he wanted me to start saying that I have four kids and one adult son. I thought, OK sure, once my baby always my baby. Well boy was I wrong. I thought the terrible twos, the independent 5th grader and even the dreaded high school drama student phases would be my biggest hurdles as a mom. I was ready for them. I read about it. I did my research; I even had back up plans if my first few methods of parenting didn’t work.
 
I even prepped my brain for my oldest son graduating high school and going off into the world. I took my kids on an amazing cross country journey. In my heart I knew that would most likely be the last time I could force them to spend time together! It was amazing, we discovered so much about our love for each other. As a mom, it was one of my mothering highlights.
 
As the school year started, I noticed that my son was frustrated. He was trapped between being my little boy and being a man. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but he actually was miserable. He wanted to make me happy as his mom and say yes to all of my amazing plans for his life after he graduated. He wanted to make the decisions that would be the best fit for him as a young man with a very whimsical spirit and passionate drive. I spent all of his life teaching him to be independent and to meet life’s challenges with grace and courage. I taught him to stand up for himself and fight for those that couldn’t fight for themselves. I lived to the best of my abilities to be an example of following your dreams and loving those that love you. And what did I get after doing all of this……
 
The most amazing son I could have ever imagined. I am so proud of him. He is such a caring young man. He has the heart of gold. I love that he is attentive and compassionate. I love that he would rather make you smile or laugh than see you suffer. I feel all of the fears I had when I found out I was pregnant. Am I going to be a good mom? Will I be ready if something happens and I can’t fix it? When do I hold his hand and when do I let him figure it out? Fear, Frustration, Anxiety, Worry, Doubt…..they all came to visit me as I experienced the second birth of my first born child. Where were the books about this, where was the scientific study on how you give birth twice, once to highly dependent fragile baby and then again to an adult that is everything you taught him to be? Where was the mommy and me support group for this?
 
There isn’t one unless your child is on drugs or misbehaving in school or breaking some law. There isn’t a support group for moms that have amazing brilliant children that are living by the pull of their heart strings and are kind and loving and giving. I want my baby back, is the first thought that went through my mind when I realized I had an adult son. And I am assuming just like we forget the pain of childbirth or at least agree to go through it multiple times, I will forget these feelings of his second birth and experience them with my other four children. At least this time I will be ready…..maybe. 

giving wings

 

About Nisi - I love living life to the fullest. I love big and dream even bigger. Being able to share my passion for life safety and awareness motivates me to an euphoric level of commitment. Teaching people how to save a life, prepare for emergencies and be present in the moment makes me my heart beat strong. Visit http://www.allhearttraining.com/, http://www.allheartcprtraining.com, or allheartdaycarehub.wordpress.com to learn more.

Tiny Steps Mommy Tale – Even Toddlers Can Learn to Help Around the House

Guest Blog Post

Editor’s Note: I am thrilled that Marcia from the blog Finding Felicity agreed to write a guest blog post. Marcia’s advice is invaluable. Often parents wait too long to introduce the concept of chores or helping around the house. Young kids love having a job.  Do you give your children chores or responsibilities around the house? Do you wish you had? Please join the discussion by leaving a comment below or visit the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page. If you would like to contribute a Tiny Steps Mommy Tale, please e-mail nicoledash@gmail.com.
 

Even Toddlers Can Learn to Help Around the House

By Marcia Sheehan

When my oldest son was around 3 years old we brought him to a play date at my friends house, who has 2 sons a few months older than both our boys.  My boy asked for a toy and said “Please.”  Once he received the toy, he said “Thank you.” My girlfriend looked at me and said, “Wow!  You are so lucky he is polite!”  The truth of the matter is, we aren’t lucky, politeness is a behavior for him that we practiced on diligently.  Just like my friend’s sons who also speak a foreign language, they had to learn to speak their native tongue, along with English.

This post will be about learned behaviors and tips to get and keep toddlers interested in helping around the house.  I would love to take credit for what I’m about to share but like most things I’ve succeeded at in parenting, I learned it from my mom.

When my oldest son was around 2, my mom (of 4 girls, including me) shared that there is a very limited window of time to have children interested in household chores.  She mentioned that it would wise to get them started at an early age, because maybe it would stick, but most likely it would lay the ground work for when they are older and become more independent.

We concluded that around the age of 2 and 3 was the best time.  That is when the little ones are walking, talking and exploring and are more enthralled than ever with doing new things, helping, and receiving praise from Mommy/Daddy/Caregiver.

Here’s a list of 10 chores I have my 4 yo and 2 yo help with:

1.  After I sort and check pockets they take clothes out of the hamper and put into the washer.

2.  When clothes are ready for the dryer I place the wet clothes on the dryer door and the boys push the clothes into the dryer.

3.  The 4 yo finds matching pairs of socks and gets to throw them across the room to me.  We have a no throwing in the house rule so this is a big treat for him.

4.  When the dishwasher is full the 4 yo squeezes detergent into the panel and the 2 yo closes that door.  The 4 yo pushes the d/w door closed and the 2 yo pushes the start button.

5.  When the dishes are done I remove all of the steak knives then have either boy that’s around hand me the dishes.  We have Correlle dishes (a gift from my wise mom) which are chip proof.  If there are any glasses I take them out before the boys can grab them.

6.  I keep yogurt on the bottom shelf of the fridge for the 2 yo.  Each morning, after asking, he will grab his yogurt, and a spoon, then sit down, open it himself and then eat it.  We get YoBaby which has an easy to remove top.  I wouldn’t recommend for yogurts with a foil top because the child may cut his/her fingers.  (side note, the 4 yo is a little more high maintenance with his breakfast.)

7.  Whenever our dog’s food dish is empty, the 4 yo opens the child safety locked door and takes out the bag of dog food, he scoops food into the cup and hands to the 2 yo.  The 2 yo fills the dogs bowl and gives the cup back to the 4 yo who puts the cup in the bag and the bag back in the cabinet.  (if you have a dog that is food aggressive this may not be a good idea.  Our 4 lb chihuahua is very uninterested in food).

8.  After our dog goes potty the 4 yo opens the storm door to let him in while the 2 yo grabs the treat bag from the lowest shelf in the pantry.  The 4 yo opens the treat bag, the 2 yo grabs a treat and splits it in two and hands one to the 4 yo.  They then throw the treats to the dog and hand me the bag to put back.

9.  Each morning both boys grab their own outfits and shoes.  My dad installed a secondary bar about 3 feet off the ground in the 2 year old’s closet so he can reach his pants and shirts.  The bar can later be used for slacks/skirts.

10.  The 4 yo dresses and puts on his own shoes.  I still help the 2 yo with his outfit but he is almost able to put on his own shoes.

These are just a few age appropriate examples of how my boys help themselves and around the house.  I can’t tell you how many people have told us how impressed they are with our sons willingness to help, independence and ability to follow instruction.  Don’t get me wrong, the older son recently decided helping was too exhausting for him but once I started to get the 2 yo involved he was more than willing to start helping again.

In the beginning I would reward the boys with an M&M or Skittle every time but that has tapered off.  If there is resistance I mention they will receive a reward for helping.  Why bribery?  Because it works!

This post serves as an example of ways to get your children involved.  I hope that you found some of these helpful and will think of implementing some into your household.  We would love if you shared in the comments what you have your kids assist with at home!

Marcia is a married stay at home mom of boys (aged 4.5 and 2.5) who writes at Finding Felicity (http://www.findingfelicity.com).  She wholeheartedly believes and lives by the mantra that:  the more you give, the greater life gets.

Why Are We Over-Scheduling Children, Weekends?

This weekend my children participated in a combined six sporting events, a birthday party, and team pictures. And believe it or not that was the toned down version of what was originally planned. It was supposed to be seven sporting events, two sets of team pictures, and two birthday parties, but conflicts and a sick child helped us to lessen our obligations.

Does it sound insane to you? Does it sound over the top? Are you shaking your head? Yeah, me too.

I am not sure how we got here, but to say that my weekend is about my children is an understatement. As much as I love my kids, as much as I want to support their passions and as much as I want to be that Mom who can do it all – I just do not always have it in me.

And I want to know why I am over-scheduling my children and my weekend?

Do you know how many loads of laundry I actually finished – 1.5 (all daycare linens). Do you know how many meals I cooked – 0. Do you know how much time I spent cleaning, organizing, or caring for my home – less than 45 minutes. My husband squeezed in a few hours of yard work and I managed a trip to the grocery store to shop for our home and the daycare, but that was it. Did I get that pedicure I wanted? Ha… yeah right. Did I get to the gym or the shoe store to get those new running shoes I wanted? Nope. Did I finish decorating my son’s bedroom or complete any task I started weeks ago? No, did not happen.

I love that I am able to give my children the opportunity to explore their interests and excel in active fun activities, but it takes a toll. It comes at personal sacrifice and it is truly new territory for me. My sisters and I weren’t athletes. We didn’t participate in organized activities until we were in high school. My mother was not a soccer mom. We played with our neighborhood friends, we rode bikes, we used our imaginations and we had fun, but we were never driven around town to compete. Our weekends were not scheduled.

I am not placing judgement on anyone, but sometimes I wonder why and how I got here. I sometimes ask myself, “what is the point?” Am I a better mother for making these sacrifices and shuttling my kids around? Or am I actually doing them and myself a disservice by not allowing them the luxury of unencumbered time? I don’t have the answer and depending on the day, my opinion definitely changes.

I work nearly 60 hours a week. It’s not sedentary work. It is sometimes stressful and time-consuming. And even though my job is located in my home does not mean I am able to focus on cleaning or laundry during the weekdays. Oh and forget about making quick trips to the salon. I am like any other working mother who has to leave these things for the weekends. So, what happens when almost every moment of the weekend is pre-determined? What then?

My husband and I are both hands-on parents who are just doing our best. We love our children. We are obviously dedicated to them. This is not a “I am doing it all alone” post because my husband and I are both shuttling our kids, standing out in the sun, cheering on the team, chasing the other kids on the sidelines, and then trying to remember to feed them the best we can between games. We are both exhausted and falling asleep 10 minutes into our “alone time” movie at night.

We look at each other on Sunday night and shake our heads because we wish we could call-out of work on Monday (not really a possibility when you own a business). We both wish for more weekend time to catch-up on what we couldn’t finish (or start).

Everyone knows being a parent is tough. Trying to find time to “do it all” is always difficult. Being exhausted and over-committed is not a new complaint. Wishing for more “me” time is universal.

So, what is the solution? Where is the balance? Is the answer as simple as saying “no thank you” to all organized activities? Or do we just push through because these years will pass and eventually we will have more “me” time than we will know what to do with?

The main problem I have is that I want to give all my children the chance to participate in activities and sports equally. If one is involved in something then I feel obligated to enroll the others in something as well. You can imagine how complicated this becomes when you have multiple children.

What do you think? Are you battling this dilemma? How do you strike your balance? Please leave a comment or join the discussion on the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.