Editor’s Note: I absolutely love this Tiny Steps Mommy Tale. My oldest is about to head into highschool and I dread the moment he will become an adult and leave the nest. I often fear what it will be like to parent an adult child and Nisi does a wonderful job illustrating these emotions. If you can relate or offer words of wisdom, please leave a comment. If you have a tale to tell, please send your story to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Giving Birth to the Same Kid Twice
By Nisi Bennett
I have five kids, I am a mom of five, I have five children….I love being able to say that. Of all of the things I have done in my life, I am most proud of this title. When my oldest son tuned 18, he wanted me to start saying that I have four kids and one adult son. I thought, OK sure, once my baby always my baby. Well boy was I wrong. I thought the terrible twos, the independent 5th grader and even the dreaded high school drama student phases would be my biggest hurdles as a mom. I was ready for them. I read about it. I did my research; I even had back up plans if my first few methods of parenting didn’t work.
I even prepped my brain for my oldest son graduating high school and going off into the world. I took my kids on an amazing cross country journey. In my heart I knew that would most likely be the last time I could force them to spend time together! It was amazing, we discovered so much about our love for each other. As a mom, it was one of my mothering highlights.
As the school year started, I noticed that my son was frustrated. He was trapped between being my little boy and being a man. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but he actually was miserable. He wanted to make me happy as his mom and say yes to all of my amazing plans for his life after he graduated. He wanted to make the decisions that would be the best fit for him as a young man with a very whimsical spirit and passionate drive. I spent all of his life teaching him to be independent and to meet life’s challenges with grace and courage. I taught him to stand up for himself and fight for those that couldn’t fight for themselves. I lived to the best of my abilities to be an example of following your dreams and loving those that love you. And what did I get after doing all of this……
The most amazing son I could have ever imagined. I am so proud of him. He is such a caring young man. He has the heart of gold. I love that he is attentive and compassionate. I love that he would rather make you smile or laugh than see you suffer. I feel all of the fears I had when I found out I was pregnant. Am I going to be a good mom? Will I be ready if something happens and I can’t fix it? When do I hold his hand and when do I let him figure it out? Fear, Frustration, Anxiety, Worry, Doubt…..they all came to visit me as I experienced the second birth of my first born child. Where were the books about this, where was the scientific study on how you give birth twice, once to highly dependent fragile baby and then again to an adult that is everything you taught him to be? Where was the mommy and me support group for this?
There isn’t one unless your child is on drugs or misbehaving in school or breaking some law. There isn’t a support group for moms that have amazing brilliant children that are living by the pull of their heart strings and are kind and loving and giving. I want my baby back, is the first thought that went through my mind when I realized I had an adult son. And I am assuming just like we forget the pain of childbirth or at least agree to go through it multiple times, I will forget these feelings of his second birth and experience them with my other four children. At least this time I will be ready…..maybe.
About Nisi - I love living life to the fullest. I love big and dream even bigger. Being able to share my passion for life safety and awareness motivates me to an euphoric level of commitment. Teaching people how to save a life, prepare for emergencies and be present in the moment makes me my heart beat strong. Visit http://www.allhearttraining.com/, http://www.allheartcprtraining.com, or allheartdaycarehub.wordpress.com to learn more.